What happened to me
Published:
What happened to me? Why I keep low mood for a long time? Am I depressed? Why is so difficult to keep concentration and passion for what I am doing? Why be a PhD studying abroad is really tough? “But you looks still nice and okay. You are still actively doing lots of activities and sports. You looks so energic for most of other people. What happened to you?”
Tough and Long Summer in 2024
Before the summer break, there is a last group meeting organized in the end of June. Prof. asked everyone’s summer plan. I confirmedly responded I would keep working in this summer and I would like to finish my paper in this summer. I felt my response let others feel wired or stressful. Because they more expected a summer holiday plan. But their expectation or discussion about holiday was “uncomfortable” for me. Such conversation in the group meeting was not existed in my previous life in China. In my previous working environment, most of people just care about working progress and paper outputs. I have adjusted myself a lot since I move to work aboard. I also understand the differences in different environment as well as the reasons behind theses. But sometimes I will still feel “uncomfortable” or “confused”, when I meet such conflicting values from different social environments. But this time there is a hiding reason I didn’t share in the group meeting. Not because I don’t want to travel or too busy on my work, because I cannot go out of Austria in this summer. Yeah, I was stuck. Because what? Because the unexpected the working progress of MA35, which cannot give me extended residence permit in time. It has expired on June 26. But the date to get the extended card is schechled on Aug 12. During this gap time, if I have any plan to travel out of this country, I have to apply another emergency visa, but its appionment also will take time. Of course, this issue annoyed me a lot. Because it has already affected I didn’t get visa for a conference in U.S in time. The things I didn’t do anything wrong or not in advance, but I don’t have any other choices to have to be stuck in such situation and I didn’t be respected at all. So this is the beginning for this summer. Then I stared my home-office time. Because the office doesn’t have AC. Although my apartment also doesn’t have it, the room temperature is better than working in the office. At the first week, I felt so happy and productive. I celebrated a nice birthday for my boyfriend. Most of time I feel super productive.